New Guy in My Life

There is a new guy in my life.  His name?  Richard.  We were introduced three weeks ago, yet I’ve seen him every single day since.  Most of our time is spent hanging out in the car; and for the most part, he talks and I listen.  Like, he talks – A LOT. Sometimes I can’t get him to shut-up…and it drives me absolutely crazy.  Yet at the same time, I cling to every single word that comes out of his back side.

Yes, I said his back side.  Richard is my new GPS.

My 30th birthday is in approximately 12 days, 7 hours, 13 minutes, and 52 seconds. Not that I’m counting.  So my amazing family took me out for birthday dinner when I was training in Minneapolis, spoiling me with Starbucks and Target gift cards, along with Richard.  His given name is TomTom, but then I got to choose what voice I wanted.  I opted to not go with Bonnie, Susan, or Lori as I already get enough estrogen as it is, traveling to salons and spas.

Richard, I have found, is a typical man.  No matter how far off the beaten path he takes us, he refuses to stop and ask for directions.  For example, I wanted Starbucks.  Richard calculated that I was only 1.3 miles from the nearest one and I was on the highway.  Yet, Richard, in all his male tendencies, had a “shortcut.”  {sounding familiar?} Over the river and through miles of residential neighborhoods we went – “Turn left.  Turn right.  Turn left.” When we finally arrived at the Starbucks {that was actually IN a grocery store}, it was 20 minutes later, and happened to be right off the highway I had started from.  {killer glance at Richard}

Like any male/female relationship, Richard and I tend to have some miscommunication.  Richard tells me, “Right turn ahead.” When he says this, I am usually in the furthest left lane of a busy freeway, and IMMEDIATELY cut across all lanes in one beeline movement to exit AFAP (as fast as possible), cars honking and swerving around me.  He then says in a loud voice {which, as a woman, I interpret as yelling at me} “Re-calculating route” – because I turned right .95 miles too early. So then I start yelling, “Stop yelling at me!  You told me to turn right!”

I am not the only woman in Richard’s life.  The other day, we were driving and Richard was cut off mid-sentence, “Stay in the left la—“ {interrupted by female voice, Bonnie} —“You are still on the fastest route!” Once again, it’s very female-like of Bonnie to interject her opinion when Richard is trying to talk.  I felt a bit bad for him…but then I remembered the Starbucks incident, and my female-tendency to remind him of all of his past mistakes just took over.  Blame shift.

Because my work is 75% travel, Richard has quickly become a dear friend.  A companion, if you will.  The calm, steadfast male voice that fills the silence.  Except for those times that I want to listen to music and turn on the radio. My beautiful, perfectly on-key voice cranks out “I look so good without you, got me a new hair-do, lookin’ fresh and—“ only to be interupted by “In 400 yards, stay in the left lane,” and it kind of annoys me.  So I turn up my radio dial and keep singing, “brand new, ever since you said goodb—“ only to be interrupted once again.  Up goes the dial. On comes Richard’s voice.  So up goes the dial…again. Until finally, I am no longer singing, but screaming the lyrics and screaming at Richard to stop yelling at me, all while crying because now I’m completely lost.

“Re-calculating route.”

Oh Richard.  How did I ever survive without you?

4 comments On New Guy in My Life

  • Glad you and “Richard” are learning to get along. 🙂 Happy trails…………….

  • I love reading your blog! You make me smile and lately that has been a very good thing to be doing.
    We’ve named our GPS ‘Karen’ and she has a British accent! Best to you and Richard:)
    Becky

  • Richard sounds awesome! 🙂

  • I think it’s very telling that you “allow” Richard to talk, because in my car the GPS–no given name– is always on MUTE. always!
    well I guess what does that say about me…tick tock tick tick umm…
    i’m not sure. sshhh(i’m the boss) 😉

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