Take it off…Take it ALL off!

My senior year of high school I had this friend. We became friends by default. Despite coming from different groups, we realized a few months into senior year we were both taking a class at the local college and got out of school at 1:50pm. We were a perfect match from the get-go. She diligently studied our books, while I diligently planned our social calender. Unfortunately that led to the first time failing college Philosophy. I say first time because yes, its true…I took college Philosophy not once, not twice, but four times. Shameful. Anyways (hair flip), my first thing on our social calendar was that we were going to co-star and co-produce a Soap Opera. We called it The Flushing Toilet and we thought we were absolutely the most quick-witted two people to ever walk planet Earth. We recruited friends, family and our family’s friends to all star in our production. We even had commercials. One of them looked something like this:

(camera fades in to a shot of the shower) Seductive music starts as Jenni and Friend step out of the shower, both in bathrobes and blowing bubbles. A cassette tape (ever heard of them?) with a recorded commercial comes on of a woman’s voice, “Take it off! Take it ALL off!” To which Jenni and Friend throw off their robes to reveal (dare I say it?) gym shorts and tennis camp tshirts…then proceed to shave their legs in front of the camera. I think we watched ourselves approximately 37 times that afternoon, completely sure that this video would somehow be our Big Break into the world of fame. Looking back now, seeing myself trying to play a gypsie on a shaky VHS recorder, its more like a world of shame. But (shrug), you win some you lose some.

What’s funny is that I can still hear the commercial’s music and the woman’s voice saying, “Take it off! Take it ALL off!” In fact recently, those words have become my words to live by. Its been several weeks since I became a stripper. (Blog Post August 10th for those who didn’t know about my new stripping career) I really never pictured myself in this profession, but a-girls-gotta-do-what-a-girls-gotta-do. A couple days ago I found myself in need of a manila envelope to send off a resume…running into Wal-Mart my fast pace slowed as I passed an island of neatly organized clipboards. “Wow” I thought. “I wish I had a nice, wooden, clean, fresh clipboard like that. I could really use a nice, wooden, clean, fresh clipboard. Mmmm…and only 97 cents!” Slapping my face, I came back to reality and averted my attention back to my mission. That is, until I passed the paperclips. My eyes widened as my shaking hand reached for a big, clear box of multi-colored paperclips. “If only I had this big, clear box of multi-colored paperclips” I drooled to myself. I felt another slap, however this time was from the little kid that was holding the paperclips I was reaching for. “Dang girl” I thought…”Pull yourself together!” I grabbed my manila envelope and made a mad dash for the register, keeping my eyes low to the ground. When I got to my car, I sat in the front seat, huffing and puffing and gulped. “That was a close call” I breathed…”Too close.”

You’ve got to admit, becoming a stripper is hard work. Just when you think you’ve “Taken it off!” you hear God’s voice saying, “No…Take it ALL off!” Take off those ideas that you have needs that I cannot meet. Take off those lies that tell you that a new clipboard (or outfit or car or hairstyle or job or cd or 12-step book or decoration) will fulfill your sweet spot. Take off the desire to spend more on yourself than you do on those who have nothing. Jenni…Take it ALL off.

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