Mornings at my place are anything but orderly. Generally things get off to their start with the alarm clock going off…well, the first one anyways. I always set 5 alarms: 3 on my cell phone and 2 on my alarm/radio. The first one goes off and suddenly my lifeless body launches one arm straight up into the air and then “WHAP!” – on goes the snooze button. My body once again becomes lifeless until just moments later my second alarm goes off and a flailing arm shoots out and “WHAP!” – snoozed. This continues for up to 1 hour, depending on how terrible my Math is on that particular morning. (face down in pillow, Jenni groggily counts “If I hit my snooze button 4 more times, I could still get up and shower, skip breakfast, do my makeup in the car and exercise later toni…” brain suddenly powers down as REM cycles pick back up)
Generally speaking, after X amount of alarm clock WHAPS I shoot up into a sitting position and squint, searching for my glasses that I have, of course, WHAPPED right off the nightstand. Then I immediately stumble to the bathroom where I do 2 things: 1) Check out how crazy my hair is in the mirror. 2) Smile, partly wishing I could share this laugh with someone else and mostly glad that no one is around to see it. By this time I’m awake enough to go wander into the kitchen to look at the clock on the stove – to which I realize I only have 12 minutes to turn myself into a semi-normal looking human being. This is when the race begins. I brush my teeth in the shower, I put deoderant on as I’m blow-drying my hair, I throw random books and gadgets into my purse as I get dressed…not because I need them, but because I’m in a state of panic and don’t know what else to do.
Yesterday was no exception. The chaos of a “normal morning” continued on as usual. As I was just throwing the last gadget into my purse to head out the door, my phone rang with an unusual number. I hesitated, but then answered anyways in case it was some sort of job offer I couldn’t refuse. It was someone from my old job calling about a few things, so I ran out the door and down the stairs of my apartment as we chatted. I was about to get in my car when it hit me. “I forgot my cellphone!” I thought, sprinting back up the stairs. I kept chatting to this old co-worker as I started ripping a part my room in a mad search for my cellphone. Things were flying through the air, colliding with other things, I was tripping, there was loud crashes…all as we continued talking. I stood up, completely out of breath and thought to myself, “WHERE IS MY CELLPHONE!?!?!” Blink Blink. It was at that moment that my mental ship landed back on Planet Earth, realizing that…I WAS TALKING ON MY CELLPHONE. Huh. Another bright and shining moment in A Morning With Jenni.