There’s a children’s book out there called “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie” that basically teaches children the consequences of feeding rodents. Well, that’s my interpretation. The book begins with “If you give a mouse a cookie…he’s going to ask for a glass of milk” and then moves on to “And if you give him a glass of milk, he’s going to ask for a straw.” It snowballs from there, as this high-maintenance little mouse asks for a napkin, then a mirror to check the status of his milk mustache…which somehow leads him to needing things like scissors, brooms, crayons, scotch tape, a pillow, among other “mice essentials.” You know, the basics.
Several nights ago I found myself caught in a similar predicament. I like to call this Adventure: “If You Give a Girl a Wax Pot…”
Being a Licensed Esthetician (confident hair flip), you can imagine my excitement when I got a can of Hard Wax this week – an awesome form of waxing that requires no waxing strips…just your bare hands. Ri-ii-iiip! My unibrow was in desperate need of some attention, so I heated up the pot…wax pot, that is…and got to work.
When you give a girl a wax pot…she’s going to want to just keep waxing. After making sure I now had TWO eyebrows instead of one, that drippy wax pot was just sitting there. And I just.couldn’t.stop.myself. So I began waxing my face, which is nbd (dad, that means “no big deal” via virtual communicating), not an uncommon wax.
But once I was done, that drippy wax pot was just sitting there. And I just.couldn’t.stop.myself. I remembered a girl in my industry talking about how she had her esthetician “bump her hairline back.” Huh? Never even thought about that. Some people pay big money to fix their receding hairlines. And I guess others pay big money to recede their hairlines. Since I’m my own free labor, I got to work receding my hairline. Sooner than later, my hair was just full of wax, which meant I needed to get out the oil…which also required some scissors. After the pain, swelling and redness resided, I was pleased with my work.
But once I was done, that drippy wax pot was just sitting there. And I just.couldn’t.stop.myself. I have never had a problem with my nose hairs. Not at all. I have never felt that they were out of control, sticking out, or required attention. Yet the estheticians I train and educate REGULARLY perform nose waxing services. So I began to think to myself…it can’t be THAT hard…can it? I didn’t really have a clear POA (that’s Plan of Action, not Power of Attorney…thankfully I have yet to involve one of those in my waxing scams). I just did the first thing that came to my mind and shoved that wax stick right up my nostril.
(insert jeopardy tune…and DING!)
Then I ripped…ouch…well, let’s try that again. I RIPPED…OW!!! OUCH!!! No, that didn’t work. Let’s try this angle. So I RIPPPPPPED – OH, FOR THE LOVE!!!!! My left eye was streaming tears with the powerful flow of a kitchen sink as I continued to rip, pull, yank and de-waxify my nostril. It was a horrifying experience – yet when it was all said and done, I had no choice…
Because once I was done, that drippy wax pot was just sitting there. And I just.couldn’t.stop.myself. I mean, you didn’t think I’d really leave my nostrils unmatched did you? So I started on the right nostril. Oh the pain. The agony. The-ripping-hairs-out-of-body-parts-that-were-never-meant-to-be-de-haired. The worst part about all of this, is that every since my little “experiment,” my nose will not stop running!