Growing up, I have always been The Oldest. Not only that, I was also The Tallest, The Smartest, and The Richest. Unfortunately, this is no longer the case. However, there is one thing that never changes…I am always, and will always, be: The Oldest.
Being The Oldest came with great perks. I was the first to drive, the first to wear makeup, the first to watch scary movies without parental consent, the first to have later curfews…I had a cell phone first, I went to college first, I was the first to get an apartment. Those Younglings only wished they could be as old as me (head shaking pitifully at them), but BOO-YA (karate chop kick in the air), that will just never be the case!
There is one thing however, that no one told me about. As The Oldest, you would THINK someone would have prepared me! The Peak and Fall. One day you’re the first to get your braces off (peak!), the next you’re the first to get your dentures fitted (and…FALL!). Suddenly, being The Oldest no longer holds its charm. Well, you try to be charming, but your long nose hairs keep getting in the way. You become the first to get wrinkles, the first to get cellulite, the first to get grey hair, and the first to sport a walker with tennis ball wheels. One day you’re telling the Younglings what to do and how to do it…the next, you find all of them giving the orders…”Change your bedpan! Pluck your wiry chin hairs! Soak your teeth!” Suddenly, there is nothing hip about you. Well, unless you count the “hip relacements”…
I can’t remember a time without these forehead wrinkles. (Oh no! Can’t remember? Don’t tell me Alzheimers is already kicking in!) I can almost hear the funeral processionals now! (Uh-oh…Did I just say “almost hear”? When did I start losing my hearing?) You might as well just pop some hearing aids on me. (No, wait – Stop! Don’t do it for me, I’ll do it myself! Its not like I’m incompetent or anything.) Wait, is that even how you spell incompetent? (AUGH! Confusion…setting…in!!!)
Bad News: It sounds like The Peak is over…the Fall has just begun (gulp!).