I should never have given you my number. Why do you think I asked you to drop me off at the Caribou 3 blocks from my house? I take full responsibility for you being madly in love with me. I mean, (confident hair flip) there are many, many men trying to woo me (eye flutter) so please keep in mind your competition is great…
Who, you ask? Well, (stuttering) I, um, can’t really name names or anything. But I’m SURE there are many, many men trying to woo me. Why do I think that, you ask? Uh, well, you see, I – well, I can’t really say WHY I think there are many, many men trying to woo me…I’m just SURE it’s true.
Anways, Omar the Taxi Man – my dad said to stop calling or you’ll end up dead. No wait, I think he actually said to me “Do you want me to answer the phone and tell him you’re dead?” But I’m not dead, Omar. I just don’t have feelings for you anymore (or ever).
Love (not Looooove),