Totally "Vein"

What do 2 compression stockings, 4 maxi pads, a pair of spandex biking shorts, and a treadmill have in common?

No, it is NOT my Halloween Costume…seriously guys. Allow me to share today’s “Jenni Adventure.” {ah-ah-ah-hem – clearing of the throat}

Several months ago I had some leg veins looked at and was told I definately required surgery on 4 of them {2 major ones deep in each leg}. My surgery on my right leg was today and it was EXTREMELY amazing. I was covered in paper and taped down {that sounds weirder than it was} so only my right leg was exposed. I was awake the entire hour as they numbed my leg, literally strung a 4 foot long piece of wire up through a vein, inserted a catheter {IN THE VEIN!} 🙂 , pumped the leg full of fluid, and then proceeded to shoot lasers into it through over 12 {or was it 20?} needle punctures along the entire length of my full leg.

When it was all said and done, the girl put a compression stocking on that leg with many overwhelming instructions, including {but not limited to}: not being able to shower for A WEEK, wearing the compression stockings 24/7 for a week and then during waking hours for a month, strict instructions to walk at least an hour each day, no lifting, etc…

Now here comes the “Who DOES that?!?!?!” part of the story…

The girl inserted MAXI PADS into several spots of the compression stocking. I said, ummm, miss, why the heck are you filling my compression stockings with maxi pads?!?! She said that the punctured holes in my leg might leak fluid over the next week, so I should “stock up.” Weird…

About an hour after leaving the building and walking through a busy area along with stopping at Chipotle for dinner, I made a bathroom stop. Examining my right leg, I immediately noticed there was a slight problem. Where there once had been TWO maxi pads, there was now only ONE!!!! I then recalled how one of them was sticking out the top of the stocking a bit, yet I hadn’t bothered to correct it.

WHICH MEANS I WAS WALKING AROUND IN PUBLIC, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN A GINORMOUS MAXI PAD SLIPPED DOWN MY NUMB LEG, THROUGH MY PANTS, ONLY TO ESCAPE OUT THE BOTTOM…ABANDONED…potentially in line at Chipotle…? One can only pray not…

*Oh and to explain the biker shorts, they recommended I wear a pair OVER the compression stockings UNDER my pants so that the hose don’t fall down…sweeeet. So attractive.

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