It’s not MY fault!

That’s the book I’m reading right now.  “It’s not my fault!”  Who WOULDN’T want to read something with that title?  Let me fill you in on Catastrophe #5,783…

Within a month, I put dumped $700 into fixing my car.  Last week, the transmission blew.  Cost to fix it?  Around $2,000.  Amount the dealership said they’d give me on a trade in?  $500.

Kind friends lent me their car.  Well, um {nervous laughter}, it won’t start.  Today, when my “back-up car” wouldn’t start for the 2nd time, I drove MY driving-hazard {aka. station wagon} to a baby shower.  Well, I TRIED to get to the baby shower.  It was 45 minutes away.  After driving for almost an hour, I was not even half way there.  Interestly enough, cars with bad transmissions don’t go over 31mph on the freeway.  Found that one out the hard way.  So I was forced to turn on my hazards, turn around, and drive the hour home.  I’ve been checking out some cars to replace this one, however during tough financial times, it is difficult to picture how I can take this next step…

In a currently stressful time of life, I have been seeking ways to try and “keep my cool” {the goal of my life!}.  Over the past week, I have come face-to-face with powerful words of encouragement – and not ones that I expected.  Some people have been saying, “Wow, I just can’t wait to see how God provides for you during this time!”  I reply with a grim, “Yeah, I can’t wait either.  Literally God, I CAN’T WAIT ANY LONGER!  I have no car{s}!!!  No money!!!  And no more contact solution!!!” {luckily, that one was an easy fix}

The book “It’s Not My Fault” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend has recently been kicking my butt into GO-mode.  One of many real-life examples include a woman who was having marital problems.  She said, “I’ve tried EVERYTHING to solve this problem, and NOTHING helps!”  With my empathetic heart, I would have sadly shaken my head and told her I was so sorry to hear that.  Then again, empathy is not always a gift.  These cut and dry authors take a different approach.  They ask questions like, “So, what exactly is “EVERYTHING?”  and “What do you mean by “TRY?”

In my case, I would argue the fact that I have been trying for a good year to save cash for a new car, but every time the bank account starts moving UP, something goes wrong and I have to pay out hundreds to fix it.  I would argue that I have been a full-time student, barely making ends meet as it is, but working hard to pay bills while taking classes.  I would argue that I have humbled myself into asking friends for rides, and been even more humbled to borrow a car.  I would argue that I just plain old have bad luck.  I’ve even picked up extra side jobs to try and push through and save more.  It’s not MY fault that I am facing this dillema.  I’ve done everything that I can do!!!!  I mean really, I’ve TRIED!

Really?  EVERYTHING?

Conviction sets in.  Sometimes being the victim seems like the only outlook.  Sometimes throwing in the towel and being mad that God doesn’t provide feels so right.  But then again, words from the message at church today told me, “Do EVERYTHING you can…and THEN God will do everything that He can.”

The truth is, I haven’t taken the bus to work yet.  And while I very well may have to leave 3 hours before my arrival time, hey, sometimes you have to try EVERYTHING.  I’ve been wanting to save for a car that will last me for the long haul.  But maybe “trying everything” means getting a $1000 clunker to get me through the winter.  Trying everything might include trading facials for car rides from friends for a couple months so my feet can hit the ground running.  Trying everything might mean selling some things that I really love so that I can someday live how I want to live.

At this moment, I am not sure what “trying everything” really means…but I am very inspired to find out.  And I really do believe that after I do everything that I can, God will then do everything He can.

Oh, and just for the record, the drawer that broke off in my kitchen today was SO not my fault!  I mean, those scissors in my hand just had a such a mind of their own…Geez…

3 comments On It’s not MY fault!

  • This is a really good point…and pretty on par with what happened to me these last few weeks. I hope that you'll be able to find a solution…at least for the "now" to get you through! If I hear of any great deals on cars, I will let you know! 🙂

  • Although my adventures pale in comparison to yours, I have felt so many of these things before. I remember immaturely crying one time that "God doesn't love me or something!" when I ruined my (only) pair of cheap Target black pants that I needed to wear to a job that required business casual. Not only was my faith OBVIOUSLY conditional at that time (slightly funny and slightly disgusting at the same time), but it also didn't help my situation to feel like a victim of my apartment building's lousy washing machine. Just today in church we were reminded that we should consider it pure joy WHEN (not if) we face trails OF ALL KINDS (not just one or two). Hang in there, girl! Joy might be hard to find at the bus stop, but I'll pray that you find blessings in this trial!

  • Oh Jenni, first of all I am DYING laughing at your new header!!! hahahahahah seriously, I love it!

    now about your post. Wow, I really admire your being able to take what you have from the book. If I were in your shoes, I would certainly feel like a victim!

    I am proud of you, and love you.

    Can't wait to see you soon!

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