Leave Me to My Sheep

After my cousin brought me home after work, I bundled up and went out to the dark parking lot to attempt to get my friends’ car started.  You know, the car that they borrowed to me that died simultaneously with mine this week?  I tried to pop the hood for 20 minutes – then came in to warm up.  I then went back out and recruited the help of a male passer-byer to help pop the hood, to no avail.  I contemplated lowering my hair-dryer from my 2nd story window to try and thaw it out…but then I saw it – A PLUG-IN hanging from the front of the car!  Who needs to JUMP the car when you can just PLUG-IN the car?!?!?!?

Off I rushed to gather extension cords – I found 2 cords and 1 strand of Christmas lights (what? they TOTALLY work as extension cords!) which I hooked up and strung over to the car to plug it in.  Turned out the car needed a 3-prong, a feature in which my Christmas lights did not offer.

Despite the -12 degree windchill, I walked the 3 blocks (in the dark) to the thrift store to buy an extension cord.  Upon arrival, I said to the clerk “Eyemim duhmowkit foyah thweep wrung eckthenshun corud.” Unfortunately because my lips and chin were frozen solid my request of “I’m in the market for a 3-prong extension cord” was not easily understood.  I searched high and low, but alas, no 3-prongs.

So I trudged across the railroad tracks the 3 blocks to Fuel Mart.  The little bell above the door signaled my arrival as I repeated, “Eyemim duhmowkit foyah thweep wrung eckthenshun corud.” After using some hand gestures and old fashioned pen & paper, he chuckled and said they do not carry 3-prong extension cords.

Exiting, I began the 7 block trek to Wal-Mart.  By this time, it wasn’t my frozen lips that concerned me as much as my frozen cheeks…and I’m not talking about the ones on my face.  Wal-Mart offered me a plethora of 3-prongs to choose from.  I decided on an orange 25-footer, and headed out the door,,,but not before purchasing animal crackers for my dinner.  Frozen tundra greeted me as the automatic doors opened and I marched through icy, snowy drifts back home.

My frozen heart melted into sheer pride as I plugged my shiny new 3-prong into my apartment building and pulled it over to the car, ready to plu – WAIT.  STOP.  WHAT THE….  My 25-footer was 3 inches short of the car.  THREE INCHES!!!!!!!!

Back to Wal-Mart I stumbled {and grumbled}.  I began to wonder if “freezer burn” was possible on internal organs.  Back in the extension cord aisle you would THINK they would sell 3-inch long 3-prong extension cords, but no.  They don’t.  They sell 12 foot extension cords for $10…or the 25-foot extension cords for $5.83 – sigh – So I was now up to 50-feet worth of extension cords for a 25-foot-3-inch job.

Tonight I walked 27 blocks in -12 degree windchill.  In the dark.  Without mace.  For 3.49 hours.  I am tangled up in 5 extension cords and 1 strand of Christmas lights.  I can’t feel my cheeks.  Yes, those cheeks.  And I am eating animal crackers for dinner.  Please, just leave me to my sheep.  {crunch-crunch}

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