How to Make a Woman Happy

Dear Men,

Below you will find a simple point system that will enable you to make your lady fall madly in love with you…or run away with your 401K.  See how you do!  🙂

Simple Duties:
You make the bed……………………………..+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows…………0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets……..-1
You leave the toilet seat up…………………..-5
You replace the toilet-paper roll when it’s empty…0
When the toilet-paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex………..-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the downstairs bathroom…… -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings………..+5
At midnight………………………………….+8
In the snow…………………………………+12
But return with beer………………………….-5
An hour later……………………………….-15
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s nothing…0
You check out a suspicious noise and it’s something……+5
You pummel it with a six iron…………………+10
It’s her pet………………………………..-10

Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party……………0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy………-2
Named Tiffany………………………………..-4
Tiffany is a dancer …………………………..-6
Tiffany has implants………………………….-8

Her Birthday:
You take her out to dinner……………………………0
You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar ……+1
Okay, it is a sports bar…………………………….-2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night ……………………….-3
It’s a sports bar, it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team…………-10

A Night Out With The Boys:
Go out with a pal…………………………….-5
The pal is not happily married…………………….-4
Or frighteningly single……………………….-7
And he drives a Mustang………………………-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 N BED)…..-15

A Night Out:
You take her to a movie……………………….+2
You take her to a movie she likes ………………+4
You take her to a movie you hate……………….+6
You take her to a movie you like……………….-2
It’s called Death Cop 3………………………..-3
Which features cyborgs that eat humans …………-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans…….-15

Physique:
You develop a noticeable potbelly……………..-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it……..+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts……………-30
You say “It doesn’t matter, you have one too”………….-800

The Big Question:
She asks, “Do I look fat?”.
You hesitate in responding……………………….-10
You reply, “Where?”……………………………..-35
Any other response…………………………..-20

Communication:
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression……..0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes…….+5
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV……+100
She realizes this is because you’ve fallen asleep………………-200

Taken from:  http://www.c-boom.com/women_humor.htm

2 comments On How to Make a Woman Happy

  • You made me laugh. Let’s see, by today’s calculations, Dave is at +10,000. But he almost lost it all when he JOKED we should see “Paul Blart, Mall Cop” but failed to make me realize he was joking, so I rented it out of thoughtfulness to him and then wanted to shoot him within 10 minutes of viewing. I think that is definitely right up there with making me watch “Death Cop” and lying to me that it was about orphans. Right?!

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