“Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me– no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.” ~ Michael Scott, The Office
One of my very few flaws involves long hallways. Corridors, if you will. I round a corner, only to look up from the carpet squares and see another person walking towards me. The problem? They are still far, far away, like a small ant, only bigger and with less legs.
There is no background music playing. There are white walls and few doorways to glance in. It is just me and the small ant-like-human approaching. You can’t say “hi” because you are too far away. You would have to shout, only making the next 7 seconds of silence that much more awkward. You cannot make eye contact for the entirety of the long walk. If he’s male, you just look desperate. If she’s female, you look like you’re going to jump her. Neither is advisable.
So you both keep walking, showing interest in the white walls, glancing up at the ceiling tiles, and excitedly anticipate the ONE doorway coming up that you can look into as if you have someone important to be looking for. Whether you see a person in that doorway or not, it’s a good idea just to give a smile and nod, so that when you turn back to the situation at hand, you have a pleasant look on your face.
Then comes the Moment of Truth: the “pass.” Do you smile? Say “hello?” Keep your eyes straight ahead? Or at the last minute do you raise your hand to your mouth for a fake cough? This is where I struggle. It seems that after the dreaded corridor walk of silence, my vocal chords become disgruntled and my “hi” comes out either as a quiet squeak or a low-manly bark. It’s very unnerving.
So what are my options in conquering this Fatal Flaw in my life? Quitting my job so that I can find a company with shorter hallways is one option. I’ve considered wearing a paper bag on my head as I walk, only to rip it off and shout “BOO!!!” at the moment of passing. Perhaps holding my hand up for a high-five as we pass, or even giving the old “wink and butt-slap” would add some variety to my hallway greetings.
I have yet to discover the answer to lengthy corridors and mile-long-hallways, but I believe that someday, somehow, I will conquer this flaw. And when that day comes, you’ll be the first to know my secret.
*P.S. My comment moderator is disabled, so you should be able to comment again. I’m testing out a new moderation-thing for spam – I’ll keep ya “posted!”