Dating Disasters: Part III

The word “read” can be found in many different contexts.  We say to read between the lines, read my mind, read my lips.  We might read someone wrong, read a book, or have a list of favorite “reads.”  None of these pose such a challenge than what I call Profile Reading.

I joined a dating service because the email told me I could “view my matches for FREE!”  Sweet, I thought.  No commitment, just a chance to see if there are normal guys on these things.  Their secret to suckering suckers like me in, is that they give you your matches WITHOUT PICTURES for free.  Now I don’t claim to be so shallow as to need a photo to make a connection…  Then again, I did pay the fee just to get some dang pictures, so call me shallow.  {Just don’t point your figure at me chanting it over and over…I might get a complex.}

This little venture has provided a string of funny stories – some disasters – but those will have to wait.  Isn’t there a rule that you can’t make fun of someone on a blog until some time has passed?  Or maybe the rule is that you’re not supposed to make fun of someone at all…  I better hold onto the stories until I figure The Rules out.

Anyways, back to the challenge of Profile Reading.  This difficult task encompasses many of the aforementioned skills: reading between the lines, reading their words, and the most difficult of all…reading into things.  This is a female-based skill that comes naturally to most all women.  We LOVE to read into things.  While many men do not understand this incredible talent possessed by the Female Species, this is part of their problem.

Because they simply cannot understand our gift for Reading Into Things, their online profiles suffer.  Like the picture of Mr. Perfect…with his arm around a big-boobed blonde snuggling in close.  Perhaps she’s his sister…then again…

Or my favorite is the photo of Mr. Dreamy with each arm around a chick with bar signs in the back ground – the photo cropped to be “just him”…oh, and a glimmer of hoop earrings on either side of him.

Then again, some guys like to put out a Vibe.  I get it.  But does that so-called-vibe really have to be of him without his shirt on, holding out the camera for a self-portrait?

Alright, maybe I’m being too hard on these guys.  Then again, is there a REASON that your photo is of yourself in 1984 as a small child in a radio flyer wagon?  Call me crazy, but I’m not really into the diaper and kool-aid mustache look.

Profile Reading…it’s tough, but someone’s gotta do it.

1 comments On Dating Disasters: Part III

  • HA! I could totally see myself reading into the profiles like that. But c’mon – looking for love with two girls on your arm? Get real, dude!

    Have you yet encountered the guys using a picture from 10 years ago who now look TOTALLY different? I want to hear more! 🙂

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