Finding Comfort in Being…Uncomfortable?

Lately life has felt really good.  Really…comfortable.  Like that old pair of sweats that I’m dying to climb into at the end of a workday – life just has felt well, comfortable!

This is VERY difficult for me to handle.

Is it weird that I find it EERY to have puzzle pieces in place?  I don’t think in my 29.513 years I’ve ever had all the pieces in place all at once.  I have my degree in what I want, I have a job that I truly enjoy going to, I have a home that is wonderful, roommates that are wonderful, a car that is actually running, fulfilling friendships, and money in savings!  I just bought brand, spankin’ new couches with CASH and they are beautiful.  {How “adult” of me!}  It’s all a little unnerving – how “normal” things are right now.

Where is the chaos?  Where is the mountain in front of me?  Where are the tragedies, the drama, the issues, and the question of “how will I EVER survive this!?”  Lately there’s a new noise that fills my ears.   It’s…it’s…silence!  I’ve never heard anything like it!  Usually all I can hear is my car sputtering or police officers saying “I know you…Carlson, riggghttt?” Those sounds I do not miss at all, but I will tell you – there is one sound that I’m beginning to miss a lot.

It’s the sound of my lips praying, pleading for the Lord to step in and rescue me.  It’s the sound of my tear drops hitting the pillow as I ask Him for help.  It’s the sound of my heart beating – hurting – for justice and the hurting.

I believe that each of us was created with a place in our hearts that can only be satisfied when we admit our need for God.  Our NEED for Jesus.  So as much as I LOVE having the puzzle pieces of life fitting together so well right now…I must admit that in a weird way, I feel as though I was made for The Struggle.  And, in a weird way, I miss it.  The Struggle reminds me that I really do need Him.  The Struggle reminds me that I am weak, imperfect, and that even when the external is falling a part, the internal feels whole.

You know in like, 2 days when I’m in a full-body-cast and someone named Raul has stolen my identity and Caribou coffee is shut down across the state and Northwestern calls me to tell me that their missing my records and I’ll have to retake 42 credits, and another Turkey hits my car, and I lose my product discount card…and RUN OUT OF VOLUMIZING TONIC…GASP!!!!  NOOOOOO!!!!  You know when all that happens, I’ll be choking on the words of this post.

But until then…I kinda miss The Struggle.

3 comments On Finding Comfort in Being…Uncomfortable?

  • Jenni- thanks for the comment on my blog! Now that I am expanding my “blog network” I’ll have to add you to my frequented blog list! 🙂

    And I love what you are saying about The Struggle. It’s so true, but kind of hard to admit, so thanks for being honest and real.

  • Jenni…
    I know I kind of fell off… a lot happened last year 🙁 But I have kept up with your blog and have enjoyed it! I’m just sending you kudos and hope that the struggles you long for come in small doses you can handle 🙂

  • so….as always, I am in the SAME place!

    Each month when I pay the bills and I don’t have to be crying and trusting as to HOW we are going to pay them…and, instead, we have paid thousands of dollars in car repairs this spring/summer (cash) and just bought a new fridge (cash) I keep thinking….what am I missing?! This feels STRANGE!!

    that was the readers digest version….you can catch the whole story this FRIDAY!!! =)


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